TGIF am I right? I'm not sure why but this week felt like a long one. Today I want to get a little personal with you, talk to you about something that have been on my mind lately. I used to think of myself as the ugly duckling, I never thought I was pretty enough or thin enough, I even doubted my intelligence for a long time. I have been stepping out of this mind set slowly through the years but I guess for the first time in a long time other people are seeing it to.
I've always felt like the biggest person in the room, the ugliest person, the person in the back no one notices. Recently I've stepped out into the sun, I don't care if people don't like the way my body looks cause I do & I'm the person who has to see it. I think for the most part I developed a tough I don't care attitude that turned into real confidence. My attitude would people at odds with me because I was so head strong.
Lately though I see the shift in me & the way others see me. My confidence comes from sharing my story & learning to love myself now, not from anger. I see the difference in the two because I have learned to take a complement instead of assuming the person giving it just wants something from me. I've learned to take constructive criticism with out responding with a huge "F*ck You" as a response.
People look at me differently now, I no longer assume it's because I am the ugly duckling but because they see my inner beauty. Its crazy I never wanted to stand out but now I am a beauty blogger sharing my thoughts with the world. In the last month or two I have gotten the greatest complements from strangers & I no longer feel like I have to shy away from them. I want to let my star shine & I encourage you to do the same Kinks. Let go of that body shaming, self hate, comparing yourself to others and most of all let go of that anger.
I was at Sephora twice and receive some of the greatest ego boosts ever. I never want attention in Sephora because I always feel a little inferior to the woman and men who do makeup. I am a hot ass mess when it comes to most things & am proud to admit that...
On to my story, so the first time it happened I was at the cash register paying when the woman checking me out told me she loved my eyeshadow. I swear I looked around to make sure she was talking to me, I have no idea what I am doing most mornings so this was wonderful to hear. I walked with a little pep in my step for the rest of the day. Its nice to know I got something right.
My next surprise came last weekend, I don't normally go out with no makeup on the weekends. I like to do my experimenting when I don't have to work. Picture this no makeup what so ever on my face, later in the day so I had a little oil gracing my forehead and nose, yet Joshua at this particular Sephora tells me I have beautiful skin! I am used to getting complements with my makeup on or told I am beautiful then but not like this. My family & boyfriend says I'm beautiful with out my war paint but never a stranger! It gets better Kinks he even said I had the most beautiful natural eyebrows, I almost fainted because a gorgeous man who does makeup professionally paid me such a complement. Days later & I am still not over the high.
My confidence must have put a shift in things because my life was never like this, I don't mind the attention or shinning. Kinks I want you to know how much you've all really helped me come out from my dark cloud. I may sit behind a keyboard or video camera to speak to you but when, I get emails & support from you I realize that I never want to go back into the shadows. I love you all... Stay Kinky, Stay Curly, Stay You.