Yes you keep living & maybe one day you get over heart break, but are you ever really the same? I am talking about the kind of heartbreak that crushes you. The heart break that reminds you you’re human. How does that ever end well? I don’t think I ever cried harder. I remember being inconsolable. It was the kind of heartbreak where you don’t shower or eat because your heart is so broken.
As far back as I can remember Mr. Knight & I fought, lord did we turn every little thing into a punching match. We used to joke about “fight night Wednesday”, but we fought every Wednesday for months on end. One of our most memorable fights was over lipstick! You probably are going to think I’m joking but it got so bad I jumped out a moving car to get away from him.
Red flag I know.. . With all our disagreements we always agreed that our love was worth it. Love makes us blind to the things people do that can & will hurt us in the long run. Mr. Knight & I didn’t agree on much but we loved each other. In the end isn’t that what it’s all about? He & I had that Luther Vandross “I’d rather have bad times with you” Kind of love, or so I thought.
I never pictured myself pouring my soul out to you because I can’t keep it inside any more. I wanted things to work but maybe I was more in love with the idea of love. Maybe I took my love googles off. Whatever the case maybe I am seeing things differently.
Maybe two people can love each other but it not be the right time because right then and there in that moment they are just two different. I’ll admit I needed to do some growing up & let go of my anger. He needed to get over the fact that he was & still is a perfectionist. My love for Mr. Knight over shadowed the fact that he had unreal expectations for everyone in his life including me. If I’m honest I think we loved each other’s potential more than the person themselves.
I don't regret loving him.. . In fact I still love Mr. Knight, He was a great love. He was the kind of love that ultimately shapes who you grow into. He changed me for better & for worse but in the end we both did damage. I do think we were meant to meet so that this way we could appreciate the one our souls are tied to forever. Maybe not maybe we were made for each other but we destroyed each other... I guess we may never know.
Confession #2: I never judge a person by when they are in life but by their potential. This tends to bite me in the ass.