I used to hate my body.. . For a good portion of my life I spent time calling myself fat & ugly. It took me years to embrace the fact that I am beautiful & plus sized. When I hated my body it wasn't just my weight but everything I hated my hairy arms, bushy eyebrows, my mid-section & my thighs used to make me cringe. I was 15 years old skipping meals & wishing my mother would let me wear makeup.
Kids can be so mean, my first memory of really hating myself started in middle school. I have always been a hairy girl my legs, arms, & face.. . I was a freshman in Dyker Heights when a group of boys started calling me "The Beast From The Middle East," at that time my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs. This went on for a week the name calling & the pulling of my arm hair. At one point I blamed it all on my mother & took it upon myself to shave my legs without her knowing. Not that it helped they just laughed & made fun of my arms more. than my face, eventually my weight.
It was in those days I began calling myself fat & ugly. I did a decent job of hiding myself loathing during the rest of junior high & eventually high school. That's when the changes started though looking myself in the mirror & sucking it in so hard it would hurt, shaving my legs daily so I could look like one of the pretty girls.
I used to listen to Unpretty on repeat for days trying to see myself in other ways. I loved the words:
"I wish could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there"
I wanted to hurt those who made me feel less than human because I didn't fall in with the popular crowd, look or dress the way they did. I don't think I started to really get over that idea that other people's opinions define you until I was almost out of high school. I had a boyfriend who for the most part thought I was pretty & men older than I started to notice me. It really took things like that to make me see maybe I was not everyone's cup of tea but I am someone's. My clothing style changed & eventually I changed. Maybe in the beginning my confidence wasn't all that genuine but eventually, I stopped caring.. . That was it I didn't care what anyone thought. I woke up every day & told myself that I was beautiful.
If I could go back & tell myself then, it would be to hold my chin up no defines me. We need to teach our little girls that they are beautiful no matter what. Seeing pictures of Kim Kardashian naked sprawled out on the cover of GQ is not the only way to be noticed, stand out and look beautiful.
We, woman as a whole need to stop comparing ourselves to one another in a race to be better than the other. Each of us is beautiful & an individual. Our differences should be embraced & encouraged. Instead of beating the next woman down to make yourself feel better praise her & watch the same be returned. The name calling needs to end too fat, too skinny, whore because she is dressed overly sexy in your opinion. What do these things benefit anyone?
Today I don't want to end with a question just words of encouragement. Kinks you are beautiful, maybe you don't agree with me today but I think you are... Maybe tomorrow you will to.
As Always Stay Kinky, Stay Curly, Stay BEAUTIFUL You.